Dive Right In
Facing the Micro-Fear
“Our actions are most likely to revert to what is habitual when we are in a state of fear or anxiety.”
- Peter Senge, 2004
I’m not talking about the big, panic-inducing kind of fear - the all-consuming, heart-racing variety that can leave us breathless. That’s real, and worth exploring, but this post isn’t about that.
This is about the micro-fear - the quiet, almost invisible resistance that stops us from doing the very thing we know would make us feel more alive. A subtle internal discomfort that, if left unchecked, builds momentum. We start to make excuses. We create perfectly rational “outs.” We slowly edge away from our intentions.
Listening in the In-Between
With recent changes in my life creating new-found space, I’ve been intentionally reconnecting with what brings me joy and fulfilment. Listening more closely to the subtle whispers of internal guidance. Honouring what I once set down, and wondering what might happen if I picked it back up.
And so, this morning, I woke to a quiet ping:
"Go for a swim."
A Familiar Joy, Long Put Aside
Swimming has always held something sacred for me. In my childhood and teen years, it was routine - joyful and meditative. In early adulthood, it became my daily sanctuary: up and down the pool, clearing my mind with every stroke, breath syncing with movement, problems unwinding as I moved through water.
Motherhood shifted that. Swimming became shared - playful chaos, laughter, and moments of pride as I watched my daughter find her own rhythm in the water. There were less-than-lovely bits too: toddler chaos, cold shivering in the shallow end, dodging floating mishaps. But always, it was connection.
These days, I dip - in lochs, rivers, the sea - but the structured, silent lengths of the pool have become a memory. Until today.
The Inner Resistance
The pool is less than 200 metres from my front door. But suddenly, a thousand reasons not to go crowded in:
What if it’s closed?
Maybe tomorrow.
What if it’s too busy?
I haven’t been in ages.
I don’t feel confident.
None of it dramatic. All of it believable. The voice wasn’t screaming - it was gently persuasive. And that’s the danger of micro-fear. It’s sneaky. Rational. Quiet enough that we don’t always realise it's shaping our lives.
What Are Micro-Fears?
Micro-fears are the subtle hesitations that steer us away from intention. They’re not paralysing - just enough to make you pause. Just enough to keep you small.
They sound like:
I’ll do it tomorrow.
I don’t know if I’m ready.
Maybe this isn’t the right time.
What if I look stupid?
What if I fail?
They're the freeze response in disguise - that gentle shutting down, the avoidance that whispers, don’t bother.
Facing It Kindly
I could have bullied myself into going with a “just get on with it” pep talk. Instead, I paused.
I got curious.
1. Identify
What’s stopping me?
What is this really about?
Am I afraid? Of what?
What am I trying to protect myself from?
Was it body image? Shame? The fear of being seen? The discomfort of the slow lane again?
2. Address
How true are my thoughts?
How will I feel if I go?
How will I feel if I don’t?
What’s the evidence from my past?
I thought of my mum - in her 80s - who still swims weekly, gracefully, joyfully. I reminded myself of the calm it used to bring me. I mentally walked myself through the process: getting there, getting in, starting slow.
3. Adjust
I made it easy: towel, costume, goggles. No overthinking.
I remembered my intention: small, joyful habits.
I led myself with kindness, not force.
And Then…
The sun filtered through the roof, shimmering across Victorian tiles, and I felt - dare I say - peaceful.
50 slow, satisfying lengths later, I left the pool lighter in body and mind, pleased and a little proud in myself.
All before 10 a.m.
Still time for emails, dog walks, lunch, dinner, writing...
And yet something in me had shifted.
The Takeaway
Micro-fears don’t shout. They whisper.
But so does your intuition.
Start noticing when the resistance is really a fear in soft clothing. And rather than ignoring it or pushing through it harshly - tend to it with care. Listen. Reflect. Act with kindness.
As Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems, reminds us - it’s through self-leadership that we transcend fear, using:
✨ Compassion, Curiosity, Clarity, Calm, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, Connectedness, Patience, Playfulness, Perspective, and Presence.
One small act can rewire an entire mental model.
Today, mine was a swim.
🌀 Have you felt the pull of micro-fear lately? What’s something small you’ve been resisting - and what might happen if you gently said yes?
Share in the comments or hit reply - I’d love to hear your whispers.
🩵
Jayne
📚 Learn more about Internal Family Systems:
https://ifs-institute.com